One can learn a lot about a chap via perusal of his sub-davenport floorspace. Such an area forms a physical manifestation of persona and priority. Give me a day under a couch and I'll give you a psych evaluation Jung would be proud of, a behavioral vignette Skinner would applaud.
So. Want the dirt on Derick William Dalton?
Exhibit A: Dirt.
Grains too large for clay or loam. Very gritty, nearly 0.5 mm in diameter. Pigmentation indicates decomposing granite, about a six on Moh's scale of mineral hardness. Conclusion? Classic hoarding behaviors. And failure to remove shoes upon entering the house.
Exhibit B: Dust Bunnies.
Not only are these rapidly reproducing under here, they each have a terrible infestation of mites. Mangy dust bunnies is a nice touch. But the real issue is their attitude.
“Hi Dust Bunny. I think I can get you some flea powder for those pests.”
“Pests? Those are my children.”
“I meant the dust mites. That's gotta itch.”
“Mites? What are you insinuating? That I tolerate or contribute to parasitism?”
“I see them crawling through-”
“Get your eyes checked, turtle.”
Denali ain't just a park in a Alaska. Wait, that came out wrong...
Exhibit C: Junk mail.
To my trained observation, there is a positive correlation between distance from the front of the couch and the postmark date. DWD is a stuff-and-forget type. Procrastinator. Abstract random. Look, a wrapper of a – um, never mind. Make that abstract randy.
Exhibit D: Pet.
Who leaves their pet turtle under the couch? That's not the place for a beloved member of the family.
Unless I've been demoted. See? Withholding affection.
Uh oh. Here he comes to put me in the bath again. Save. Publish. Logout. Reopen rough draft he was pretending to work on to cover up video games. Whew.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Back to School
What happened to August? I blame the cold weather-induced torpor I was in while hiding under the couch. Sluggish brain equals gross, squishy sentences whose slime trails into paragraphs until their subjects and predicates are separated by salt into a bubbly writhing mess. (With apologies to all actual slugs.)
Mr. Derick William Dalton fancies himself, or maybe past tenses himself, skilled in the dissemination of pithy mathy instruction and suave science education. I don't think he's really anything other than average. As proof, here's the transcript of a lesson I taught regarding physics, with no training whatsoever.
***
I find that math often interferes with initial understanding, then enhances it later. So to make it easy, lets make up our own units. And we'll assume velocity and acceleration are the same thing for further simplification.
A Subaru Impreza (mass of 1 horseless carriage unit) crashes into a Cadillac Escalade (mass of 4 horseless carriage units) The answer is the Subaru wins, because they are the awesomest cars ever.
But, if it was a Prius instead (1 hcu or 'hachoo'), and it and the Caddy were both traveling at 60 mph (100 kph or 1 easy math unit or emu, like the bird), the equations look like this:
Prius: Force = 1 hcu x 1 emu = 1 sneezebird unit
Escalade: Force = 4 hcu x 1 emu = 4 sbu
So the Escalade will plow through the Prius and push it until the friction (1 asphalt friction factor or aff) decreases it to zero sbu, at which point it will stop. The Prius, not the math. Math never stops. Ever.
If the road is uneven the math gets complex because one has to compensate for aff-holes.
So, to make the vehicles collide and stay where they collide, the sbu would have to be equal. We have to change the acceleration of the Prius. Like this.
Prius: F = 1 hcu x 4 emu = 4 sbu
Escalade: F = 4 hcu x 1 emu = 4 sbu
Since a Prius won't actually go 240 mph (240 mph = 400 kph = 4 emu), we could load the trunk of it with with a copy of War and Peace, a sack of Paul McCartney's fanmail, and the McDonald's cups we find on the roadside (mass of 1 hcu each). Like this.
Prius: F = 4 hcu x 1 emu = 4 sbu
Escalade: F = 4 hcu x 1 emu = 4 sbu
If you want to make the Prius explode, I'd recommend either diesel and fertilizer, or plastic explosives of a military or commercial construction grade. But stand way back and wear eye protection.
Questions?
Mr. Derick William Dalton fancies himself, or maybe past tenses himself, skilled in the dissemination of pithy mathy instruction and suave science education. I don't think he's really anything other than average. As proof, here's the transcript of a lesson I taught regarding physics, with no training whatsoever.
***
I find that math often interferes with initial understanding, then enhances it later. So to make it easy, lets make up our own units. And we'll assume velocity and acceleration are the same thing for further simplification.
A Subaru Impreza (mass of 1 horseless carriage unit) crashes into a Cadillac Escalade (mass of 4 horseless carriage units) The answer is the Subaru wins, because they are the awesomest cars ever.
But, if it was a Prius instead (1 hcu or 'hachoo'), and it and the Caddy were both traveling at 60 mph (100 kph or 1 easy math unit or emu, like the bird), the equations look like this:
Prius: Force = 1 hcu x 1 emu = 1 sneezebird unit
Escalade: Force = 4 hcu x 1 emu = 4 sbu
So the Escalade will plow through the Prius and push it until the friction (1 asphalt friction factor or aff) decreases it to zero sbu, at which point it will stop. The Prius, not the math. Math never stops. Ever.
If the road is uneven the math gets complex because one has to compensate for aff-holes.
So, to make the vehicles collide and stay where they collide, the sbu would have to be equal. We have to change the acceleration of the Prius. Like this.
Prius: F = 1 hcu x 4 emu = 4 sbu
Escalade: F = 4 hcu x 1 emu = 4 sbu
Since a Prius won't actually go 240 mph (240 mph = 400 kph = 4 emu), we could load the trunk of it with with a copy of War and Peace, a sack of Paul McCartney's fanmail, and the McDonald's cups we find on the roadside (mass of 1 hcu each). Like this.
Prius: F = 4 hcu x 1 emu = 4 sbu
Escalade: F = 4 hcu x 1 emu = 4 sbu
If you want to make the Prius explode, I'd recommend either diesel and fertilizer, or plastic explosives of a military or commercial construction grade. But stand way back and wear eye protection.
Questions?
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