What if the Lorax was cold-blooded?

I'm remarkably well read for a reptile. Maya Angelou. ts eliot. Robert Frost.

Dr. Seuss.

The good Doctor hid his genius from the literary elite with silly meter and purposefully nonsensical words (as opposed to most humans' inadvertently nonsensical ones). Then he buried it like a hibernating terrapin in his comic strip illustrations. We commoners got it, though. If I had any wee ones, I'd read it all to them and they'd be better turtles for it. Thank you, Mr. Geisel.

Look! Sincere gratitude! My therapist will be so proud.

Problem is, those of the sapien persuasion get worked up over feel-good, warm fuzzy entertainment, and throw money after it with worshipful enthusiasm. The VISA credit card people know this well. So they helped bankroll the live-action Grinch and added their own tagline to advertisements. I swear I'm not making this up: 

“VISA. Just in case he's wrong.”

Invest. Distort. Profit.

Here's another favorite. I worry about this one, also. It's number two on the Ectotherm Readers List, right behind Yertle the Turtle. Though dark and ominous with one sliver of hope on the last page, The Lorax is brilliant. I think it's because of the dark and ominous contrast to everything else Seuss.

In theaters March 2^nd. Here we go again. But first, a word from our sponsor.

How long has it been?

I, the Once-ler ask when

you last thought to think of a Thneed?

Oh, such a shame,

and I take all the blame

for the tree-mess stuck firm to my name.

But again there's a need

at the mall in South Shreeds

for more of my high thread-count Thneeds.

But I learned. These new Thneeds

aren't from truffula trees,

instead they are fashioned from cheese.

Cheese made by bees, the great Bizzery Bees,

For Bizzery Bees work cheap as you please

and send all the Thneeds from Zizzer Zar Zees.

The shade of the truffula,

that's where I'll be seen.

So plant one or two,

just don't change your routine.

Remodel your house

and drive a new car.

Make certain your food

comes from far Far Balar.

Trade money for stuff.

Fancy shiny fluff stuff.

And never you worry if there's not enough.

That online teasler

of the city post-Once-ler?

It was happy and bright

and a sparkling sight

with houses and streets set just right.

It seems the old Lorax,

as we know in Woodholly,

he fooled Dr. Seuss

in his tottering folly,

to paint my Thneed-making with gray melancholy.

Great books can have flaws we must fix for the screen,

especially for kids whose minds aren't too keen

Still, get back those trees,

right away if you please,

to better what our home appraiser next sees.

In all it's glow glory,

here's the real Lorax story.

Shiny and flashing

with 3D so dashing.

For who needs in their head

Seuss's silly goose dread?

Here's mass-marketed opiate for masses instead.



The Lorax and I agree on ONE thing though. Go Mazda!

Thin Green Veneer

I have a moment at last, free of indentured editude. See how much I love all of you? I get thirty minutes to myself and I produce something for your entertainment. Um, out of kindness. Yeah. Not narcissism.

I had a moment in which several unrelated incidents, memories, and ideas all connected. But not like a kid's dot-to-dot where one already knows the end product. It was more like a zone of Zen. A cone of clairvoyance. Maybe even a savant sphere. And put your elevated eyebrow of doubt back where it belongs.

The increasingly popular, warm-fuzzy-inducing, and redundant public service messages about saving the Earth are increasingly popular, warm-fuzzy-inducing, and redundant. But we all knew that. And having a rich famous human explain how to save the Earth? Emotional reaction-inducing, but hollow. Like asking a turtle for parenting advice.

Knew that, too.

Here's what I really noticed for the first time. None of those messages about recycling and being green mention things that will actually save the Earth. None. Because none of them mention buying less stuff. No gardening or shopping at thrift stores and garage sales. No Yankee ingenuity (don't flinch at that, Southerners, y'all been Yankees since 1865).

Americans: Cash in your clunker for a new car! A five-mile-per-gallon savings! Working more for the payments will be a breeze because of the sweet ride! Acquiring and processing thousands of metric tons of raw material  for that new car will easily be offset by that five mpg!
(In all fairness, buying a hybrid's a different carbon-footprint story: http://www.earthlab.com/articles/thecarbonfootprint.aspx. But no different in taking on a new debt.)

Bottled water companies continually flaunt the use of less plastic in containers. I'm sure that reduces the mass of a shipment and makes huge differences in the fuel costs for delivery. A filter in your fridge or tap? C'mon, those don't work.

Tobacco companies had to create anti-smoking ads after the big lawsuit: "Kids and teens - you're smart. You're tough. You're independent. You don't need anyone telling you what to do.....andbythewaydon'tsmoke." As engineered, ads met the literal punitive requirements and helped increase rates of smoking. Can't help but wonder if The More You Know about being green is brought to you by the same marketing firm. They both seem to have Mein Kampf memorized. It's all a thin green veneer on the not-to-emission-standards engine of economy. A green shell on the back does not a turtle make.

In my continuing quest to be less caustic to non-reptiles, I won't end there. I found a fascinating way to create what you non-indigenous humans can't grow or dig yourselves - a home. (Biting sharp tongue. Repressing species-ist slur.)
Built out of something already manufactured and not being used - leave the raw materials raw.

Houses built from shipping containers. Enjoy the idea and ingest the guilt!

DWD made me add this last one. Sorry.